Cancer (Sept. 2025)

You’re going to need some extra cash this month as a family of scorpions has conquered the spare room. Call an exterminator and also a hostage negotiator as they have family members cornered.

Singles: Later in the month the need for connection will increase, which is understandable because you just returned from an extended trip to the international space station. However, paying for cuddles isn’t the way to go. Stay strong and you’ll meet the person you’ll date for 7 months then break up. The person after them... still won't be the one.

Foods to eat: Leftovers, pizza and whatever vegetable you have

that didn't rot while you were in outer space.

Lucky numbers: 12, 48, 3.14