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Hillbilly Horoscopes


Horoscopes
Fresh Porch-Pickin’ Horoscopes
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Aquarius (Oct. 2025)
It’s time you found out, you are descended from witches. While you might want to dabble in potion making and spell casting your no Harry...


Cancer (Oct. 2025)
Your judgment in past relationships wasn’t great and now you're possibly dating a Vampire. He’s a got great teeth, but his "food...


Scorpio (Oct. 2025)
The yearly visit to the pumpkin patch will have some hiccups as you accidentally take too many pumpkins and not enough of your children...


Sagittarius (Oct. 2025)
You have your eyes set on winning the office costume contest this month but you'll arrive at work to find the whole accounting department...


Leo (Oct. 2025)
Visiting local corn mazes with family can be fun but your sense of direction will fail you and a rescue party will be needed to find you....


Taurus (Oct. 2025)
Later this month there’s an 80% chance you’ll run out of candy and be forced to throw random food items out to appease the mob of...


Capricorn (Oct. 2025)
You’ll need to forgive yourself as you’ll pick the wrong neighborhood for trick or treating. You know the one, the one that hands out...


Pisces (Oct. 2025)
You’ll have to be careful with your health in the coming week as you have fallen into a diet consisting strictly of store bought candy....


Aries (Oct. 2025)
Your anxiety is up due to what a creepy fortune teller told you. First of all who told you to talk to a fortune teller, especially in an...


Libra (Oct. 2025)
Enjoy the fall activities. Visit some garage sales. However, now is not the time to buy a two headed doll or any sort of charm that...


Gemini (Oct. 2025)
In your desire to make new friends you’ve accidentally joined a vampire coven. While the initiation ceremony isn't one I would recommend,...


Virgo (Oct. 2025)
Unfortunately, it’s time for an intervention. Your addiction to candy corn has the family concerned. Be grateful that your family and...
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