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Hillbilly Horoscopes


Horoscopes
Fresh Porch-Pickin’ Horoscopes
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Libra (Sept. 2025)
You’re planning on traveling later this week. Make sure not to draw attention to yourself as you’re going through the airport scanner,...


Gemini (Sept. 2025)
It might be time to move out, not because you want to but because the river has been contaminated by a local chemical plant and you’re...


Aries (Sept. 2025)
This month will be perfect for car shopping. Ask for input from your significant other. Yes, the Ferrari would look sweet in the drive...


Pisces (Sept. 2025)
Your struggle to stay focused may cause you to miss an important deadline. Take a deep breath. You can do this. While the new fragrance...


Virgo (Sept. 2025)
Money will come from an unexpected place. No, you won’t have to rob a bank. Something better. A distant relative has died and named you...


Capricorn (Aug. 2025)
You’ll feel a strong desire to stay in your pjs for the first week of the month as you’re getting older. Embrace comfort but avoid...


Taurus (Sept. 2025)
Patience and understanding will be needed in the near future as a co-worker that gives painfully tight hugs was given a promotion over...


Leo (Sept. 2025)
Plan on saving a little extra this month as a car accident is on the forefront. Look I get it, no one wants this to happen but in a...


Sagittarius (Sept. 2025)
You’re looking for challenges in your life. I get it, you should challenge yourself, but becoming a semi-professional matador could get...


Scorpio (Sept. 2025)
You might need to dial back some of your intensity this month as putting a trade embargo on your neighbor isn't the way to go. Just ask...


Cancer (Sept. 2025)
You’re going to need some extra cash this month as a family of scorpions has conquered the spare room. Call an exterminator and also a...


Aquarius (Sept. 2025)
It’s time to forgive old grievances and repair friendships. Sure, your so-called “friends” left you alone in a cemetery at midnight....
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